Wednesday, March 7, 2012


My blogs have been FEW and very FAR BETWEEN. I have been absent. I know I blogged that I would try to update my thougths more frequent but I have not. So, here I am...again!  Whether or not you decide to read my blog is your choice...and if your just as fed up as I am...I wouldn't blame you if you don't. I sometimes feel that if my diet and weight issues were put on pinterest, they would fall under the "Epic Fail" category...
Cooking up a healhty recipe while
ironic that I work for a nutrition program! Horrible photo! 

Since I last wrote, which was in...September...oh my gosh, it's been since September, I have been on a life roller coaster. I was having trouble with anxiety so I sought professional help and went on some anxiety medication. I loved it. Nothing bothered me the entire 7 months i was on them, I never cried. Not even once. In retrospect that is super disturbing. Even at that, I loved the medication. I was happy. The weight of the world did not bother me. I didn't cry at commercials. I didn't find myself short of breath. I liked my husband (yes I said liked) and I felt in control of my emotions. I loved it. But all good things must come to an end and in that end, which took 4 weeks of gradual weaning, I have gone back to food for comfort. And we all know that that is NOT good. I have noticed that I eat or think about eating even when I'm completely stuffed. This too is so disturbing to me. In the 4 weeks it took me to wean off my medication and the 4 weeks since that last pill popped (8weeks total) I have gained 16 pounds. I hate strongly dislike myself and my body right now. So, why did I come off these magnificent pills: I want a baby. I want my beautiful son to have a beautiful sibling. So that is what I had to do.

Blahhh gross side shot!

So here I am at a very unattractive 222.0 pounds. Ahhh crap. In doing my math i just realized that I have gained 18 pounds. Well crap. Okay so focus...back to the issue at hand...I HAVE GAINED A TON OF WEIGHT IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME!! ...and I am overwhelmed. I want to get my diet under control but the thought of going back on WW hardcore or Paleo hardcore is not going to happened. I would be setting myself up for another "Epic Fail!"  I am eating foods more low calorie kind of WW (loosely counting points on my phone tracker) until I can mentally get back in the swing of things. So for now, I will eat smart and after an evaluation of my mind an body I will then decide if I can go hardcore on any one particular diet avenue. But until then, I need a big hug from myself.

I need to be healthy for my son. I need to be healthy for my future child. I need to be healthy for husband. Most important, I need to be healthy for myself. I need to feel pretty. I need to feel comfortable in my own skin...because lately this has been hard to do!

-Relapsed Nancy

1 comment:

  1. I was excited to see you blogged again. i will always follow your blog even if you don't post awhile. I don't always do that but you're such a good writer & fun to read that i can't help myself & I always hope you come back! Try not to hate yourself too much, the important thing? Is that you are BACK. You're here. You're ready to give this another try!

    I've been trying to conceive for almost a year, so i get the want a baby thing. My obgyn wants me to try naturally 2 more months, lose a little more weight & see if my periods regulate on their own (the reason i haven't gotten pregnant is b/c i'm not ovulating which is a common symptom of Insulin Resistance). So i'm just going to keep working at it.

    I'm going to be praying for you! I know it's hard to get back on track & i definitely agree that you don't want to go all crazy & set yourself up for failure. But just take it day by day, a step at a time.